Secret Surrogate

Hey friends! Today, I have a guest blogger who will share her beautiful and unique journey with you all. Thank you Yulivette for speaking out and I know many will be inspired, blessed and encouraged by your story! Feel free to share your comments down below.

Hi, my name is Yulivette Zambrana and I am married to a wonderful man and a mama to two beautiful children. And as if life wasn’t good already, I am pregnant again, with twins. Yes, twins! I am a few weeks away from meeting these sweet babies and at 29 weeks, they are already three pounds each. This pregnancy, especially, has been very rewarding and although my husband and older children have been patiently waiting for the “normal” mama to come back, I have been soaking every minute of this amazing journey.

Pregnant with twins

but they’re not mine

You see, these babies I am carrying are not mine. I am serving as a surrogate for a wonderful couple who unfortunately are unable to conceive naturally. I have been very discrete about my decision to carry someone else’s baby for months. For the majority of my pregnancy I have intentionally avoided public places just so I won’t have to deal with the questions. The fact of the matter is people have questions, concerns, comments, while imposing they’re own opinions about the subject. You may ask, why? As many have asked already. Why surrogacy? Why put your body through the physical changes and the discomfort and the pain for babies you will not be able to keep? Is it even worth it? The simple answer is YES! The longer version, the reason why my “yes” is so strong is I know what loss and grievance is. Many do not know this but before I had my first child, I had a pregnancy that resulted in a miscarriage. It was devastating! I felt like a failure, I had so many questions, I thought something was wrong with me. Having to tell my husband about our loss was heart-wrenching and the grief process was long. I still remember feeling what I felt. The night of the miscarriage I cried myself to sleep uttering the words “God gives and God takes away”. I never spoke of it again. 

 A year later, we were blessed with our sweet Isabella and then Ezekiel followed two years later. After having my children, I knew I wanted to pay it forward and help a couple become a family. I mentioned my desire to a few close family and friends and many thought it would be awkward and quite frankly didn’t understand my desire to carry someone else’s baby or in this case, babies. However, I knew I was suppose to do more, not for me but for someone else. I just knew it. It’s funny because this was actually on my bucket list, that’s how serious I was about it.

In late 2017 I met a couple who desired to become parents; our friendship blossomed and we became very close, our families really meshed well together. As I had done in the past with loved ones, I extended my willingness to help them out and after much thought and consideration they accepted. They accepted this loud Puerto Rican woman to carry their bundle of joy times two. I was elated! 

Here I am, almost at the end of this precious journey. They are nervous, so am I. This is my story. I know how it feels to be on both sides of the spectrum. I understand loss and grievance due to miscarriage and I also understand the joy of motherhood. I understand you woman and I get you mom.  For me, surrogacy has given me the opportunity to bridge the gap. I’ve learned so much about infertility and the struggles many women face just to become a mother. I have developed a new superpower, I have become a surrogate. 

After so long, I’ve decided to speak out, precisely this week on National Infertility Awareness Week. Surrogacy is simply not spoken enough in our society and it is our responsibility to educate people about this wonderful option to infertility. I no longer want to be a secret surrogate, I want to be open and vocal and become an advocate for it. Yes, it’s not the norm but it’s an alternative and we need to stop viewing it as “weird and awkward” and see it for what it is, an opportunity for struggling couples to become a family. I still get the confusing stares and the never-ending questions, especially “how are you going to give them up after carrying them?” My answer is always the same, “the same way you give something up that is not yours”. From the very beginning I knew what I was getting myself into, I did all the proper testings and assessments: physically, emotionally and mentally. I met with doctors, psychologists, went through the IVF process and through it all, my vision and focus was clear -to fulfill the dream of this couple in becoming parents. I know these babies will arrive soon and with that, they will come with great purpose and for that I am grateful. I will be their forever aunt.

April 21-27 is National Infertility Awareness Week, a movement made to increase awareness of infertility, which affects the reproductive systems of both women and men. Infertility is defined as the inability for couples to achieve pregnancy. And there are many other options to become parents, options such as surrogacy. For those who are unaware of what gestational surrogacy is, it’s when a child is not biologically related to the surrogate mother, often referred to as a gestational carrier. Instead, the embryo is created via In Vitro Fertilization, or IVF using the eggs and sperm of the intended parents or donors, and is then transferred to the surrogate. Although Surrogate Motherhood is something that not many people actually support, even though it “is one of the many reproductive techniques that have enabled infertile couples to have children”, it should also be understood and perhaps treated as an option amongst friends and family. 

Let’s become more compassionate towards those who struggle with infertility, it is not their fault. They’re bodies are not faulty or defective, as Scripture says in Psalm 139:14, we are all fearfully and wonderfully made. God makes no mistakes. It’s just for some, the timeline and the path to motherhood is different than others and that is okay. Ladies and even gentlemen, let us stand together, helping and encouraging each other. So, the next time you see a couple with no child, be mindful of what they may be struggling with. Infertility is not an easy journey, there are a lot of tears and shattered hopes along the way. My mission is to bring surrogacy out of dark and out or secrecy and bring it to light as a viable option to Motherhood.

To you, my dear lady, you are not alone. And you are in my prayers.