Rear View Mirror
Ahh…. life has been so busy!
First of all, I am sorry it’s been a minute since my last blog.. a really long minute. But honestly, I was dreading the weeks to come after my last post. Once August came along, I think mentally, I shut down and another grieving process began. August was the month my baby was to be born. One thing is to grieve when you lose a child, another thing is to grieve their birthday. Guys, it was HARD! Between work and preparing a youth conference and being a wife and all the other responsibilities I have, life didn’t skip a beat and I had to go along with it. I had to go back to “that place” and unravel all the feelings I had suppressed for so long; it was no easy task, nonetheless it was necessary. One thing I have learned is this: You have to allow yourself to feel it so that you can heal from it. Healing comes when you go through it, not ignore it. And that applies to anything in life that is painful.
Grief comes in waves. You have good days and bad days. Some days you’re upbeat and bubbly, other days you’re quiet and withdrawn. To think that around this time last year I was pregnant and everything seemed great is daunting and overwhelming to me because it shows you how things can change so quickly in life. 2019 seemed as though it would be the perfect year to end a decade of hopeful wait but the results were a lot different than expected. This year has been a trying year., a year in which I have been “tested with trouble” (spoiler alert: that’s the title to one of the chapters of my next book) and it has really taught me valuable lessons that otherwise I would not have learned and for that I am grateful. I am not the same person as I was last year. And isn’t this what its all about? We are to evolve, grow, mature and get wiser as the years go by. And friends, if you want to grow as a person and as a child of God, then allow Him to trust you with troubles. With Him by your side, you are guaranteed the victory; you just don’t know when or how it will happen.
With a few days away from officially saying goodbye to this year, and welcoming 2020, the start of a new set of years, what are you hopeful for? What are you looking forward to? Can you take a moment and go down memory lane and think about how the last ten years of your life has been? What does your rear view mirror say about this last decade? Do you remember what 2010 was like? I certainly do! It was the year I got married!! It was the beginning of a new chapter in my life.
And although we reflect on the past,
we’re always moving toward the future because bigger and better things await us.
A decade later, I see myself so different than what I had envisioned it. Looking at my rear view mirror, I NEVER in a million years thought that I would have issues with infertility. But here I am, going through it. Maybe you never thought in a million years you would experience the things you have in these last years, but there you are; it’s become a part of your life’s resume. Within these last ten years, maybe you never thought you would end up with a diagnosis or a sickness but there you are battling it. Certainly you saw yourself married with kids but there you are, still waiting, patiently. Probably you imagined yourself spending forever with the love of your life, instead you went through a really bad breakup. There’s a possibility that your marriage has been very rocky over the last few years and you’re just, well..surviving. Or you envisioned your kids a certain way but parenting and raising them has been quite the challenge. Chances are you lost a loved and your life has never been the same. This decade has been quite the emotional rollercoaster, full of ups and downs. I can go on and on, but one thing is for sure, a lot has happened to all of us. We are not the same people we were ten years ago. The experiences we’ve had in this decade have shaped us to think, act, and react differently than before. Some people have grown bitter instead better, but that’s a blog for a another day. No matter what we go through, we ultimately have a choice as to how we react. We choose to grow bitter or grow better, the decision is no one else to take but ours.
I will always have a grateful attitude because the truth of the matter is that God has been so good in this last decade. This coming year, my husband and I will celebrate ten years of marriage, our family doesn’t look like the cookie-cutter one, but really…. whose does? This is real life we’re talking about not instagram perfect. In God’s perfect timing, He will add the little ones…Yes, I am still believing for my miracle! :) I am thankful for the gift of life. Many friends and family are no longer with us here on earth but if I am here, if you are still here, then that means there is still a plan and a PURPOSE! God is not finished with us and Philippians 1:6 assures us of that: “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns”.
So, as the hustle and bustle continues throughout the holiday season, take time to reflect on where you were ten years ago and give God thanks for what hopefully has been growth in your life. Think about where you’re at now and what the next decade will look like for you. Do not dwell on the things you don’t have, delight on the ones you do have. Move past your failures and disappointments and look forward to second chances and new opportunities. God is doing a new thing!
Do not rush this time of reflection, clear your head and ask the Holy Spirit to speak to you. Pull out your journal and begin to jot things down as they come to mind. Often times it is so difficult for us to see how blessed we are until we write them down on paper. Habukkuk 2:2 says to write the vision and make it plain on tablets that he may run who reads it, the NLT version says so that a runner can carry the correct message to others. I am not talking about writing down your new years resolution or anything like that, we all know about 70% quit by March. But just take a breather from your busy schedule to simply look back. The dictionary defines rear view mirror as “a small angled mirror fixed inside the windshield of a motor vehicle, enabling the driver to see the vehicle or road behind.” This mirror allows the driver to see what is happening behind their car without coming to a complete stop. Look back to your rear view mirror and think about how far you have come. Think about everything you have been through in this last decade. What experiences have marked you? How have you grown as an individual, as a wife, a mom, sister, friend…as a child of God? And regardless of the hardship you’ve had to go through, begin to express God’s goodness over your life and you’ll soon be reminded that your blessings outweigh your burdens.
Ask yourself today, what are the lessons that I’ve learned? Examine yourself. Have a heart check, make sure you begin a new year with a clean heart. Forgive. Life is short. Laugh. Life is stressful. Love. It’s a cold world out there. Share the Gospel. There’s a lot of lost souls who need to hear that Jesus saves. Walk into your destiny. Stop wasting time. Fulfill your purpose. God wants to use you.
Embrace all He has for you in this next set of years, 2020-2030. A lot will happen in this upcoming decade, the world will get crazier but God is the Prince of Peace. I am certain He will answer prayers, do miracles, and bless you. And when He does, don’t forget about Him and act like you don’t need Him. There will also be tears, suffering and heartbreak and when that happens, know that He is near to the brokenhearted. He loves and cares for you.
If He was with us last decade, He will be with us in this new one. And although we reflect on the past, we’re always moving toward the future because bigger and better await us.
Below is a worship song that I have included, As You Find Me by: Hillsong United has been my “to-go” these last few months.
The first verse says: “I’ve been strong and I’ve been broken within a moment. I’ve been faithful and I’ve been reckless at every bend. I’ve held everything together and watched it shatter. I’ve stood tall and I have crumbled In the same breath.”
Can you relate? A lot of us can, right? I won’t spoil the rest of the lyrics, so take a listen and I hope it blesses and strengthens your soul.
If this blog has been an encouragement to you, feel free to share with others so they too can look through their rearview mirror and reflect on how the last decade as looked for them and at the same time, look forward to what lies ahead.
May your life be filled with peace & joy…always!
Be Blessed, Be Encouraged!
~landypf