Faith For Four

Hi friends!

I know it’s been a while since I’ve last blogged but the wait is over and I come to you with an incredible story. I had the opportunity to interview a childhood friend who is making quite the buzz these days on the media, I am talking about Raquel Tolver, the quad mom of the Tampa Bay Area. I remember reaching out to her on a random day last year about something (those who know, know about my random messages). Later that day, she confided in me with a secret. I was the first friend outside of family who knew about the quads. And from that day on, I walked alongside her on this journey, mostly through prayer, faith and words of encouragement. This blog has been in the works for months, and I felt honored that Raquel would want me to share it on my page.

You are going to get a close and in-depth look at what Raquel’s journey has been as a woman who initially struggled with infertility, had a baby, then suffered secondary infertility and now is a mom of five. Her story is unlike any other, it is one of undeniable courage and faith. The way she has advocated and has fought for her babies through her faith is truly admirable. So, grab your cup of coffee or your green smoothie and sit tight because you’re in for quite a ride. Be prepared to laugh, cry and everything in-between as Raquel has Faith for Four.

Be sure to share your comments with us down below in the comments section. We’d love to hear from you!

When I look back at my journey

I realize that what people often labeled me as “hard headed, stubborn and difficult” was also what God used to turn into “perseverance, dedication and conviction”. These qualities allowed me to have faith for four and never give up. ~Raquel Tolver

1. Tell us a little bit about yourself, prior to being a quad mom?

My name is Raquel! I am married to my husband Darius and I am a mom to our son Dreyson. I was an average person, very much to myself and my circle. I really enjoyed my privacy and spending quality time with my family and friends. Some of my passions have always been to travel, dogs… oh I love dogs, and I really enjoy financial literacy. Growing up poor and in an underprivileged country has allowed me to be grateful for where I am and who I’ve become. This has also permitted me to be very generous towards others who are less fortunate. I always look for ways to give back, not only to bless others in need but also to help me remain grounded and remember where I came from.

2. You have a toddler and wanted to give him a sibling. When did you realize that you were struggling with secondary infertility prior to getting pregnant for the second time?

My husband was always vocal about wanting to have more than one child. Due to the infertility struggles we had in conceiving our first, we anticipated a similar struggle to conceive a second time. My doctor was very clear that it would be unlikely for me to be able to conceive naturally. We started trying not too long after our first was born. However after six months of being on fertility medication we quickly realize this time around it would be more difficult. After twelve months of several fertility medications, I was informed that my body was not responding to any of the medications despite being on the highest dosage for six consecutive months. My doctor said that I would have to start a more aggressive fertility treatment if I wanted to conceive. My husband and I agreed and met with a fertility specialist who recommended no more than three IUI attempts,  if unsuccessful we would move forward with IVF. 

Darius and I talked in depth about it and I was very honest that if the IUI attempts were unsuccessful I would not want to move forward with IVF. We both agreed that it would be too much physically and emotionally and proceeded with IUI treatments only. The odds were not in our favor, I had a cyst blocking the only ovary that was able to ovulate just one healthy folicate. It would take a miracle to conceive and I was well aware of it and ready to embrace my reality, whatever it was.

3. How did you and your husband react to the news that you were pregnant with quads? 

My husband was in complete silence; there was no facial expression nor a single word came out of his mouth. I bursted into laughter! If I’m completely honest, it seemed as though we were being punked and the cameras would come out at any moment and say “haha. we got you!” At least, that’s how I envisioned it in my head. I seriously could not control my laughter; now I honestly question if it was a defense mechanism that I utilized at the moment. I will say that the joy and excitement of finding out that we were finally expecting after trying so hard to conceive…well, quickly vanished! The reality is we never wanted four kids, let alone four in one shot. 

4. Take us through the journey of processing this life-changing news.

As our appointment ended, our new reality was just beginning. Our doctor was very clear with us, a quadruplet pregnancy was going to be extremely risky and dangerous; not only for the babies, but also for myself. He said nature will take care of them (referring to the likelihood of miscarrying one or two as the pregnancy progressed). Another option given was for me to take care of them myself (meaning reducing the pregnancies from four down to two, aka abortion). We left that appointment in complete fear and agony. The idea of showing sonogram photos to friends and family was treated as a complete dark secret as we did not know how to move forward.

The Decision

From there I decided to go back to my obgyn who helped us conceive our first child and tried to help us conceive the second time before being referred to a fertility clinic. I've known him for years and valued his opinion. I guess in my mind I was looking for validation that there would not be a need to reduce the pregnancy. He was happy when he found out that I was expecting, however he was also very clear about his recommendation. He too suggested that we reduce the pregnancy. I remember sharing a few words with him once my husband left the room. I was completely honest with him about the internal struggle I was having with making that decision due to my upbringing. He immediately said that “being pro life is not only about creating new life but also about preserving the ones that already exist”. He continued to say that I had a husband and a son at home to think about and reminded me that this type of pregnancy coupled with the medical history I had was putting my life in danger. I was still struggling with it so we consulted with three more doctors from different practices across the state; their recommendations were the same. Having a reduction procedure was the right, safest, smartest choice, but God had different plans. His plan would ultimately superseded the statistics. 

The Risks

With such uncertainty, we decided to keep the pregnancy a secret. It was extremely hard and a difficult time of silence. Our marriage and our faith was tested. At 16 weeks the medical team caring for our pregnancy were impressed by how well the babies were growing and there were no signs of complications, things were going great. Around this time, we felt comfortable enough to share the news with friends and family. We accepted the fact that we were having quadruplets and now we were ready to share it with those closest to us. It was as though God was reminding us, “Hey, I got you, just trust me.” At times, faith felt like a “safety net”. I would feel “good” for a moment and just when I was getting comfortable, I felt God asking me, “but are you really good?” And out of nowhere we would get hit with something that would test our faith. 

Active Labor

We had an amazing gender reveal where we surprised most of our friends with not just the gender but with the news that we were expecting quadruplets, it was such a beautiful and memorable day. Everything was was going great, what could go wrong? Well, a few days later my water broke. At 22 weeks, around 3:00 am I woke up and realized something was wrong, my water broke. Without telling anyone we woke our son up, buckled him into the car and went straight to the hospital. There I received confirmation that indeed my water had broken. Once again, our faith was put to the test. The doctor's recommendation was to quickly be admitted to which I quickly refused. I knew that if the babies were born this early, they would most likely not survive. I felt the need to put up a front and act strong as if I was fine. My mentality was “well this if it's God’s will it’ll happen and if not then it won't”. However, deep down inside I was crushed, I was afraid and found myself once again questioning God and His plans for my life. The doctors gave me the dreaded news that there was a 50% chance that I would go into active labor and the babies most likely would not survive. If I did not go into labor, my babies would live to count another day and their chances of survival with each passing day would increase. At 25 weeks and 5 days, active labor began and my faith was tested, yet again. Those were crucial days in which I had to cling onto my faith and simply trust God; it was His plan, not mine. We did not tell our friends we were being admitted to the hospital. It was important to get steroids right away to help strengthen the babies’ lungs to give them a better chance of survival. It was during the following five days where God began to work with my will and attitude, yes the ones that usually get me into trouble, to help me be strong and hold on to the babies.

Faith Is Tested

 Let me share this, I am not an easy patient, hence why I refused to be admitted when my water broke.I don't do well with hospitals or doctors but God always has a plan and places the right people at the right places. Once labor started and I was admitted to the hospital my priority was to speak to my doctor, Sarah Obican, who had been our primary doctor and was overseeing our pregnancy. However, I was quickly informed that she was out of the country on vacation.  I was devastated! Every nurse and doctor who would come into my room asked to schedule my c-section, I refused every single time. I just knew that I needed to hold on a little longer until I received both of my steroid shots. At one point, I  think I had over 13 different nurses and doctors who came into my room asking me to please listen to them and to prepare for the c section. I didn't feel peace until God put the right doctor in my path who would play an important part of my journey. This doctor never pressured or tried to persuade me to do something I didn't feel comfortable doing at the moment. Dr. Schenone would give his recommendation and allow me to decide and that was something that I greatly appreciated. During those 5 days of active labor my body was beginning to give out, contractions were getting closer and closer in time. I had no epidural or constant pain medications to help, it was  just me fighting every day to hold on as long as possible. However, on March 23, 2023 at 5:30 am I could not hold on any longer, the labor pain was too much and the doctor who checked me said baby A was on his way out, I wanted to continue to hold on but I knew that physically it would not be possible to continue to hold on any longer. Hard to believe, but I still refused to go into the OR. I asked the doctor on call to call my doctor, Dr. Schenone. The doctor on call was in complete disbelief, I honestly don’t think she has ever met someone as strong willed as me because she kept saying “the baby is coming out” and I was like “I need you to call my doctor and make sure he gets here.” Again, my faith was being tested, I was fearful. My doctor who had walked this journey with me was on vacation, and the one who truly understood me was not here to deliver my babies. I needed him to get here asap! Finally, they were able to get him on the phone. He assured me everything was going to be okay and that he was on his way. He asked me to please authorize them to prepare the OR. At that point, I felt at ease and gave the doctors and nurses the okay to proceed.

The Delivery

Within a matter of seconds, I felt as though I was in a movie scene; about 10-14 nurses ran into my room and began to prep me to take me into the OR. Darius was not allowed to be by my side and my doctor had not yet arrived, I began to shake and panic. All I could do was weep and plead. I pleaded for my husband to be by my side as they wheeled me away, I felt so alone, I was crying and praying all throughout the hallway and into the operating room. Once inside the OR, they were trying so hard to get the anesthesia going but between my contractions and my anxiety, I would not stay still. I could clearly hear them going back and forth, one doctor was yelling “you are going to have to put her under, we cannot continue to wait”. (meaning I would be under complete anesthesia) I was terrified but a few moments later, I saw Dr. Schenone walk up to me and say “I’m here, everything will be ok.” Honestly, at that moment  it was as though God was saying “I’m here, everything will be ok”. I immediately calmed down and felt peace, I knew it was God's time for these babies to come into the world. They finally allowed Darius to come in and to his surprise I was calm and ready to deliver. There were about 50 doctors and nurses in the room and I was the most calm I had ever been; the peace of God was truly over my life. Once the delivery process started, I heard the doctor say baby A boy (no sound), baby B girl (smallest cry), baby C boy (small cry), baby D boy (small cry). Finally, our babies were here! Our little ones had entered into the world, but with much difficulty. The wait seemed like an eternity because little by little we would receive an update on each baby. We finally had a sigh of relief when we heard the words “all babies were born and are stable”. The quads were born at 26 weeks and 2 days. 

5. How was life in the NICU? 

Life in the NICU was very difficult and emotionally draining. As if my faith had not been tested enough, here we were facing yet another scary test, the survival and developmental growth of our quads. God gave me the strength and the wisdom to fight and advocate for my children each day they were in there. For any mom out there who have had their babies in the NICU, they can relate to the levels of “unknown” that are thrown at you everyday. When you have four babies, the” unknowns” multiply. Being in the NICU became a full time job for me, I had constant meetings with doctors to address medical plans and procedures. It was a very vulnerable time for me, I cried a lot, I prayed a lot. Leaving my babies in the hands of doctors I did not like or trust was hard for me, but I knew they were in God's hands and that brought me comfort.  After a very long journey with many complications, surgeries, blood transfusions, infections and a lot of sleepless nights, our babies came home between 79-124 days later. 

6. Now that the quads are home, how are you adapting to being a mom of five? 

I’m killing it… haha! I don't mean that in an arrogant way but when I think about everything Darius and I have had to endure over the last year, being a mom to five kids feels like a piece of cake. Lol!

On a serious note: I’m a very structured mom as you will see my videos on social media, I operate under order and basically run a tight ship. The babies are all fed at the same time, they nap at the same time, and also play at the same time. They are all sleep trained! Yes, they sleep from 9:00 pm until 7:00 am in their room. Because of the structure that I’ve developed with the quads, the day to day tasks are not overbearing. I’m not here to say that everything is perfect, I definitely have my days but when things are structured and organized, it’s a lot more manageable. From the day they came home from the NiCU, I quickly implemented routines. It takes great discipline and consistency to achieve these results but Darius and I work very well together in having a structure as a family. I eat, breath and sleep on routines.

7. What is one of the most frequently asked questions? 

The most frequent question I get asked is, “how do you do it”? Oh, if I had a dollar for every time I get asked this question, I would be a wealthy woman.  In all honesty, I am a very structured person and that has helped me navigate motherhood very well; at least when it comes to the day to day responsibilities of having five kids.

8. What has been one of the most challenging and greatest lesson you have learned in this whole experience?

Control!!! My desire to control outcomes during this experience proved to be a difficult one. I’ve always taken pride in making my own decisions and deciding how my life was going to go; when faced with this situation, I quickly learned that I do not have control over everything. However, I found my strong willed personality and determination to be advantageous in certain situations. For example: When the doctors were unwilling to authorize a certain procedure that one of the babies needed, I did not allow my “lack of control” to dictate the outcome. My perseverance and unwillingness to abide in everything the doctors want to do and not do for my babies proved beneficial. There was a mother who always stood up to advocated for her children even when it seems as though the doctors had all the control. When something didn’t feel right, I made sure my voice was always heard. However, there were also instances such as when my water broke or when I went into labor that were completely out of my control. All of these experiences reminded me of a valuable lesson; ultimately, God is the One who is always in control. 

9. Where do you see yourself in five years?

 I honestly don't know! I’m trying to fully understand what God's ultimate purpose is with all of this. I still struggle to understand why He chose me. However,  I think I have an idea as to why, I’m beginning to see the pieces come together. I am being purposeful and intentional in using my platform to encourage and support other moms. Just typing this feels odd because in so many ways it's not what I ever envisioned for myself or how I thought my life would look like. After all, I was the very private financial institution, career-driven, goal-oriented person who is now a stay-at-home mom of five who has a social media platform. And I am still all of those things, it just looks very different nowadays. Again, this seems so opposite of who I am but as someone once said to me, “We may have our plans, but God has His own set of plans for us.”

10. What would you tell someone who is enduring a season of change? How can they boldly face the unexpected challenges that life can present? 

I would honestly say that it is important to know and acknowledge the strengths that God has given you. When I look back at my journey, I realize that what people often labeled me as “hard headed, stubborn and difficult” was also what God used to turn into “perseverance, dedication and conviction”. These qualities allowed me to have faith for four and never give up. I remember one of the cardiologists in the NICU told me “I want you to know that I truly admire your perseverance, dedication and strength to show up everyday and stay focused on the end goal, despite all the obstacles.” I laughed and said jokingly “you call it perseverance, dedication and strength, others would describe it as stubborn, difficult and persistent”. I now know God was sharpening these qualities to put me through the fire so that I can come out stronger on the other side. This isn’t only about you trusting God but it’s also understanding that God is trusting you for His plans.

Last thing I will add is that I received a prayer box from Landy as a gift when I spoke to her church's youth group, LSA Breakout, last year. It had been sitting in my nightstand for months and honestly, it was collecting dust. However, in February when my water broke I was crying when I looked at the box and decided to write a prayer (the box had a pen and papers inside to write one’s prayers). I wrote a prayer and put it in the box and forgot about it. I figured it would say something like “God please allow my babies to be born and survive” since I was at risk of going into active labor and the babies not making it. I prayed and forgot about it. During the NICU journey I was frustrated and cried out to God, “How many more tests do I have to endure? I'm tired! Why does it feel like nothing has gone the way I would hope or want”? I truly had a venting session that day, and as I went to take a nap, something told me to go look inside the prayer box. I said to myself, okay, I will write a prayer that says “I can't wait for all of this to be over.” When I opened the box I saw the folded paper from the old prayer I had written down. I knew I had written something a few months prior but had completely forgotten what I had said. The paper read “God, please allow my pregnancy to make it to 26 weeks”. I mean talk about a very specific prayer! I immediately started sobbing because I gave birth at 26 weeks and 2 days. My next prayer was not going to be “I can't wait for this test to be over” instead my prayer became intentional. I wrote “God, I pray for the day my babies are out of the NICU and I can walk into church with all five of my kids.” This past weekend we attended church as a family of seven and the quads were dedicated to the Lord, exactly a year after finding out we were expecting quadruplets. God is good! I’ve experienced His goodness throughout this entire journey

Friends, do not lose hope! The journey may be difficult and you may grow weary but do not give up. Know that God has a plan for your life and its greater than your plans. Even if you do not see or understand it, all He requires is that you trust Him. I hope you are able to find encouragement through my story and just as I had to fight and have faith for my four miracle babies, I hope you too are able to find the courage and faith to continue fighting the battles that are set before you.

Special Thanks From Raquel

To my husband Darius, this past year truly was one of the most challenging for our marriage and I can confidently say that you have been my rock and my strength. You knew my limits and when I was ready to throw in the towel, you were always there ready to pick it up. I truly admire your ability to keep me grounded. Out of all people, you know that I never, ever wanted five kids but God created you for me because you were the perfect person to have these children with. Seeing you as a father makes me fall in love with you more and more everyday. I love you Darius! And to my first born, Dreyson. Son, I know this process has not been easy for you either, seeing mommy in and out of the hospital and caring for your siblings has been an adjustment for you too. You are my first born and the one who made me a mother, our bond will always be very special. Always know that l love you and will always make time for you, no matter how busy it may get with the quads. I am so proud of the big brother you have become to your siblings. I love you Dreyson!

Friends, thank you for sticking through and I hope you have found Raquel’s story inspiring! May you be encouraged to have faith for whatever it is that you are battling with, fighting for or waiting on. There is nothing impossible for God, all you need to do is trust in Him. Proverbs 3:5-6 says: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” Raquel, thank you for sharing your heart with us today, we were blessed! Here, you have a community that keeps you in prayer so that God’s plans are fully fulfilled in the Tolver family.

If you would like to follow Raquel and her journey with the quad squad, make sure to follow her on her social medias, she has great content! Let’s just say, it’s never a dull moment in the Tolver household.

Instagram and Tiktok: @rctolver

Please share in the comments below what you thought about today’s interview? What was your favorite part? Could you relate in some way? And if you have any words of encouragement and blessings for this quad mom who needs all of our support, feel free to share your heart; she will be reading your comments.

Below are some pictures of the Tolver family.

Images were all provided by Raquel Tolver

Lastly, I would like to share a song that really helped Raquel navigate the hardship and many dark nights she lived during her pregnancy and in the NICU with her babies. This song continues to be of great blessing to her life today. I hope you find great comfort in knowing that despite it all, God is good and His goodness runs after each of us, daily.

Goodness of God: Cece Winans

Be Encouraged, Be Blessed!

~landypf