Tomorrow
This morning I found myself going to that place; that dark, sad place. Let’s face it, tomorrow is Mother’s Day and that’s all I see on my timeline, that’s all you see on social media. Last night I cried myself to sleep, I hid it from my husband because I didn’t want to make him sad. I wanted to grieve alone. I couldn’t help to remember when the doctor said “Congratulations, you’re a mom, take a look at your baby”. Fast-forward to today, my baby would have been eight and half months and tomorrow would have been my very first Mother’s Day. Unfortunately, that is not my reality and I continue to wait, year after year for that moment in which I will hold my baby in my arms and celebrate Mother’s Day like you moms out there.
I was in that head space for a few hours, coddling with the idea of the what-if’s. But you know what? I began to remember something. I am a mother, and I am to be celebrated. My baby isn’t here but she was here (I always thought it was a girl). And although she left us too soon, I realize that her purpose was fulfilled in her very short life. I believe that my baby’s purpose was to prove to science and all of the infertility doctors that said that I could never get pregnant, that indeed I could carry life. That in itself was a miracle in which doctor’s could not fathom. God did that. So, I am intentionally choosing to focus on that instead of the million negative things that are easier to cling on.
Fast-forward
to today, my baby would have been eight and half months and tomorrow would have been my very first Mother’s Day.
I debated whether to write this or just let this painful day hurry up and take it’s coarse so that I can resume back to normal on Monday morning. But the fact of the matter is that I could not be silent because there are SO many women just like me dreading this painful day. SO many wives who look at their husband and just cry because they can’t give him a child. SO many women who long to be a mother and feel what everyone else feels- yes, even the sleepless nights, messy house, and cries all day. We’ll take that over a beautiful quiet home. (Don’t say we don’t know what we are talking about, yes we do). I am speaking for that woman who has tried and tried and tried and nothing, who struggles with infertility, who has miscarried, who has experienced the excruciating pain of loss… I write this on their behalf because most of them won’t speak, the pain is just too unbearable.
Tomorrow will be hard. Don’t ask her questions, just pray for her. The bible says in Psalms 34:18 that the Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. She is not alone. You are not alone! God is closer than you think and He hears your cry. I will continue to trust God, believing His plans for my life. If He did a miracle in my womb once, He can certainly do it again. I stand in the gap for you too my friend, believing God for your miracle. Let’s not lose hope, doctors don’t have the final word, God does!
Be Blessed, Be Encouraged!
~landypf